the burden of responsibility

re-spon-si-bil-i-ty: n
1. moral, legal or mental accountability

2. something for which one is responsible: burden.

How many of us have the burden of responsibility for children, a spouse / significant other, or elderly parents. I have all of them including an ex-husband/friend. Sometimes having all of these I find I put myself on the bottom of the list....low man on the totem pole.

I normally don't make New Years resolutions. It's just another way to fail throughout the year....but this year, this year I DID make a resolution. To put myself BACK on the priority list.
Whether it be something as small as taking time to read a chapter in a book, take a walk, go to the tanning bed (yeah..I know it's bad for my skin but it makes me feel a little better, especially in the winter) or frivolously buy that pair of black boots that I just don't need.....I'm going to try to do 'something for ME'. Now not everyday, mind you. Who has that kind of time? But at least once a week.

That being said, here it's the middle of the month and I've squeezed about 2 things into the 'Me" schedule.....

Like today for instance! It's snowing outside with another 3 inches of fresh powder. What I WANT to do is stay at home...light a fire....order junk food and call it a day. What I HAVE to do is go visit my parents.

Now I love my parents, don't get me wrong. But it's hard to please them with what they expect of me. And I don't wish to disappoint them, but it's one of those things that it's never enough. If I go once a month, they want twice a month. So then I go twice a month and they want 3 times....it's never ending. But the worst part that it makes me feel bad...no matter how I approach it. I feel guilty that I'm not there enough, I feel badly that I am disappointing them, I feel sad that they need more than I can provide (not $, but emotionally) and I get angry that I'm put in a lose/lose situation ....all the time.

So here I am, packing a bag so I can head out into the tundra to go for an overnight visit. All those staying at home today eating McDonald's....I hate you. But we'll cover that another time.

:-)