the flamingo club...

I'm not feeling the positive vibe from eHarmony. The prospects presented thus far have not made my heart feel all aflutter like on their commercials. It looks as though it might have been a better investment to buy some swamp land, and yet I continue to dredge through what matches they send.

There is a very interesting man in Zanesville that is witty and good looking. Bad news...Zanesville is 150 miles away. A little far for a coffee date.

I won't rule it out. Yet. I can't imagine moving presently, but you just never know! It's always good to have friends if it doesn't work out romantically.

Thinking about Zanesville brought some memories. The last time I was in Zanesville, I was there when I was a mere 16 for a synchronized swimming State Competition.

Yes. I was a synchronized swimmer.

Every week, 4 times a week, my mother would drive myself and Beth downtown to the YWCA for practice. We would swim for 2 hours. The first 1/2 hour was a warmup in the pool eggbeating. That's when you use your legs like eggbeaters in the water. No hands, just legs. We had to keep our hands above the water line.

Then we would have to swim laps. Not normal lap swimming, but on our backs sculling up and down the pool propelling ourselves with just our cupped hands pushing the water back and forth. Sound easy? You weren't allowed to create any water movement. It had to appear as if you were being pulled along. Body perfectly still, no current...up and down the pool 20 times each way.

And then, the warm-up for our lungs. As if we hadn't gotten that enough already. Holding your breath, you were to swim underwater for as many lengths of the Olympic sized swimming pool that you could. By the time I completed my last workout with the Flamingo Club, I was able to swim 4 lengths.

It was after all this 'warm-up' that we finally got to start practicing our routines.

The kind of routine that landed Beth and I at State Championships.

Yes.

I was in amazing shape.

Beth and I had advanced to the point where we were a duet. Alike in stature, we made a good team. We practiced hard and could mirror each others moves so we appeared as one. We were good. She was also my next door neighbor and bestest buddy ever. So our teaming up to swim competitively together was a no-brainer.

Unfortunately, for me, I could hold my breath longer and had more endurance and strength than Beth did. So I was always the one underneath the water's surface pushing her up out of it to do all the pretty leg tricks and above water gestation's. Pointing, spinning, smiling...I was the power. She got all the glory.

Funny.

That stance seems to have permeated everything in my life.

I'm the support behind everything. The background.

Which is actually the way I like it.

Or at least what fits me best.

I do the windows so the store looks good. I'd dress the models so they looked great on the runway. I'd make the basic story boards so the artists could then draw it out to present it to a client. I'd run the store so the company made it's figures and looked good.

Always behind the scenes.

So being out front and center with eHarmony is a stretch for me. I'm not great at tooting my own horn, although I know I can play. I just need a nudge.

And to be honest. Completely honest. With myself and what I expect.

And what I want. No shortchanging myself. I need to say what I mean and mean what I say.

I made it through the guided communication with a gentleman out in Willoughby. Gentleman might not be the right term. He sent me this note letting me know what he expected at this point of our getting to know one another.

Nancy,
Got your email. It sounds like your really booked up. Let me give you my approach to these things and you can see what works for you. Typically people over 40 have especially demanding schedules or at the minimum they require a lot of time in order to do the things they have put in place. I am that way. If you want to do any dating, I have found it to be a pain in the ass for the most part. Typically I find myself "squeezing" things in only to be not that enthused with the result. So, I can appreciate your alignment of priorities etc.
My philosophy today is that I typically skip the emails, the making plans and the talking on the phone unless I think there might be at least something interesting going on. If I do think there is something interesting going on, I will at least try to establish enough communication to get us to a meeting or a date. Once that happens, the rest is usually self evident. I don't mind busy schedules, especially once I have established the fact that the person is someone I am kind of interested in getting to know.
If you think it is worth trying to connect, then lets talk on the phone first and see if that warrants a translation into a face to face. If not, then thats totally OK too and I understand how things go. So, let me know what you think and we can figure out a good time to talk, or let me know if you think you just cant swing it right now. Either way, I will understand.
Randy

OK. That seemed a little odd. It is the holidays after all. With barely enough time for the people I DO know, let alone add another to the mix right now. So I sat on it a few days to think about it. With my response of :

Hi Randy.

You know, I got your e-mail and have given it much thought.
One of the things about my joining eHarmony was to meet someone and be completely honest. In my responses, in my choices.
And although I understand your wanting to 'cut to the chase' and be prudent with your time...it sounds as if you've been down this road of meeting people and them not quite adding up to your expectations.

I appreciate that.

But in the same regard, your completely straightforward approach in skipping any e-mail 'conversations', get down to the basics and then see if we should meet...it just takes the mystique out of the dating experience and makes it more of a business arrangement. At least for me...
I'm new to eHarmony, so I've not been through perhaps the same processes as you have. It sounds as if you have pursued other people to be disappointed. I'm not at that stage yet. Like I said, I'm a newbie. My knee jerk reaction from your e-mail is, "I don't know..."

Yes, schedules are tight this time of year, but I don't want to be someone to 'squeeze in' to anyones planner. Your message makes me feel as if I don't already add up and not worth your time. And I don't even know you...
So I wish you luck in your search. I guess we are approaching meeting someone special differently.
I hope you have a wonderful Holiday Season!
Nancy

And then immediately get a *bing* on my phone for an incoming e-mail. I open it to get this...

Hey Nancy,
Actually, I appreciate your analysis but in fact, the idea of being disappointed after meeting people has nothing to do with my prudence. The long and short of it is that I believe that two adults who have lived 40+ years of life each should be able to step up and share a conversation. If you think that meeting someone online is going to add "mystery" to the experience, get ready to be disappointed. Relationships require effort, end of story, this is nothing to do with the processes of Eharmony, this has to do with my experience in life. You can imagine anything you want, but until you talk with someone, meet someone and get to know someone, you will never know that someone. When someone tells me that they are too busy to pick up a phone until next week, I just have to question the fact that either they are the most busy person alive and have no time to date, or dating is way down on their priority list of things to do, or they have some paranoia or pre-concieved notions about dating and they have this need to go through 2 weeks of emails, followed by 4 phone conversations, followed by 2 meetings for coffee, followed by a lunch date, followed by a dinner date... I just don't have time or energy to figure it all out. I think humans were meant to speak to each other.
R

You've got to be kidding. Right? Didn't he just send me a note that he doesn't 'do e-mails'? How do I know who this person is and if I give them my number that they aren't going to track me down and kill me while I sleep. I mean, I don't even know this guy. Seriously. How would I know whether I want to meet with him if he won't put forth the effort to communicate? And then send me a note saying that humans should communicate? Did he or did he not just contradict himself.

Bah. I happened to be with Christine, my current BFF and she helped guide me through the quagmire of 'respond or don't respond'.

"Fuck him. What a dick.", she quickly responded.

"I know! Isn't that odd?"

I didn't respond. I just pushed the 'close match' button conveniently located. Seriously. If we couldn't get beyond two e-mails exchanges what possible future would we have? THAT match ain't goin' nowhere...

But I did get a lovely Christmas wish from a guy in Avon who wished me a "Merry Christmas, beautiful Nancy". He's a lawyer. My dad wouldn't be altogether pleased with his choice of professions, he thinks the best place for lawyers is 6 feet under. But if they are part of the family...well, wouldn't I get free service?

Christine...Damn girl, get your head out of the gutter. Free advice, darlin'. THAT's what I was talking about!

Ah. Memories. It's like being back in the ol' Flamingo Club days...

it's always someone else's legs up in the air.

;-)

Happy New Year, my friends! I will see you in 2010 after the Blue Moon.